I was trembling, shaking at the thought of revealing myself as an addict. I had never even admitted this to myself, let alone reveal it to strangers. My heart was racing, my thoughts were panicked, and my mind was somewhere far away. Before I knew it, it was my time to speak. I imagined that I would confess my adulterous, inappropriate, and sinful behavior. I imagined being met with judgment. I imagined the world would come to a screeching halt, and that everyone on it would fly off simultaneously at the shock and awe of my addictive behavior. I imagined the earth would open up and swallow me whole, sending me to the fiery inferno I thought I deserved. The earth didn’t swallow me whole. What happened next sent Holy Spirit goosebumps all down my body. What would happen if you chose to be vulnerable today? Read my blog to determine why you're avoiding vulnerability (authenticity) and what to do about it.
Seems to me everywhere I look I see that some form of Mom happy hour is happening. Wine is the new most popular drink of choice. Maybe it’s because wine is “classy.” Perhaps it’s because wine is stronger than spirits but not as “bad” as hard liquor. Maybe it’s because wine is delicious. The self-indulging of wine at the end of a rough day may be harmless to some. To those of us with alcohol use disorders, it is playing with fire.
The goal was to log off Facebook and not log on again for a very long time. I've done the fasting. I've done 30 days here and there..logged out...removed the app, set timers, etc. Like a good junkie, I was right back on it before I knew it. Why on earth would I give up Facebook, such a normalized artificial paradise, you ask?
The news of Chester Bennington's death hit me hard. It hit me so hard that I couldn’t write about it until now. I realize what happened inside me when I heard the news, but it didn’t come to fruition until I found myself in my doctor's office.